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CW: Please care for yourself and your beautiful nervous system as you do boundary work. It can be very activating, especially when we consider why they need to be put in place and even more so for those of us who are neurodivergent and likely have needs that neurotypical folx can’t relate to. Remember, people do not need to understand your boundaries to respect them.
My loves, this 2023 Chariot year has proven to be much more about “hold on to the reins” than “take control.” Can you relate? It seems that in my life and the life of most people I have had the pleasure of conversation with, it has truly been a test of our tenacity. With this in mind, I have been wanting to speak to a grounding card that has been a helpful touchstone for me: The Queen of Swords.
In my practice, as often as I draw cards for clarity, I call upon specific cards for the same purposes. The Court Cards are wonderful for this–when we need to put on our “adult” costumes and do something scary, when we want to create safety around play, when we are working on the tender reparenting processes, the Court Cards can be there with us and this year none have been called into my awareness more than the Queen of Swords. She is the ally when you need to establish/ strengthen your boundaries, she is the mama bear when you are being mistreated, and she will never let you forget your inherent value. Let’s dig in.
First, in light of a certain celebrity being outed for misusing therapy jargon around boundaries in an attempt to control his partner at the time, let’s talk about what boundaries are not. Boundaries are never a statement of what someone else can or cannot do. Healthy boundaries are a statement of how you will respond to certain behaviours and should help create safety for all involved. As an example, they do not sound like “You can’t do X if you want to be with me.” Healthy boundaries are more like: “I need Y to feel safe in relationships, so if you continue to do X, I will not be able to continue seeing you.” See the difference? There is consent and choice for both people.
Healthy Boundaries: What Exactly Are They?
Healthy boundaries are the emotional and psychological limits we set to protect our well-being and maintain healthy relationships. These boundaries define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others. Establishing and maintaining them is essential for maintaining our mental and emotional health. As we heal and learn about ourselves, we begin to peel layers of conditioning away and start to discover what is no longer tolerable for us. Much of this requires work on our part, but it is also valid and important to establish what we need from people in our lives. People who care about you will accommodate reasonable requests and want to be a safe person in your life.
How to call in the Queen of Swords for this work?
The Queen of Swords, a steady individual with a sharp intellect and unwavering resolve, is a powerful archetype that can guide us in the art of creating and maintaining healthy boundaries. This energy can serve as a valuable ally in the journey of setting and upholding boundaries in our lives.
Clarity of Purpose: When you encounter situations where boundaries need to be defined, channel the Queen of Swords’ clarity of thought. Take a step back and assess the situation objectively. What do you need to protect? What are your goals in setting these boundaries? Clearly define your purpose before taking action.
Honesty: The Queen of Swords is a master of truthful communication. When establishing boundaries, be direct and honest with others about your needs and limits. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior or beating around the bush. A direct approach is more likely to be respected and understood.
Self-Sovereignty: Embrace your inner independence. Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-advocacy. You are not being selfish; you are valuing your well-being. Trust your ability to stand up for yourself and protect what matters to you. For my neurodivergent beauties, please remember that someone who cares about you should not need to relate to your boundary to honour it.
Protection from Toxicity: Just as the Queen of Swords can cut through deception, use your boundaries to shield yourself from toxic influences. Recognize when a relationship or situation is harming you and be willing to sever or limit those ties for the sake of your emotional and mental health. Yes, family included.
Redefine Self-Care: The Queen of Swords knows the importance of self-care. After setting boundaries, take the time to nurture yourself. Engage in activities that feel good to you (they don’t need to look like anything you’ve seen before) and remind you of your inherent worth. Remind yourself that if something is not a “yes” it can be a “no” without guilt. You and your sensitivity are gifts! The world needs more of this medicine, so care deeply and fiercely for yourself and you will create a ripple effect-it often inspires others to do the same.
With love,
Carrie
Image from the Lightseers Tarot by Chris-Anne
ApotheCarrie Tarot 